「最初」

最近做了一个小决定，就想，为我自己喜欢的音乐做点小贡献，每一个月，买一张整版专辑。很疯狂吧？

这一个月，买了阿哲的《初专辑》，并没有以前的那种感觉，可是还是好听，就是耐听。听多次后觉得很不错~ 阿哲，还是阿哲！！！

30/10/2010

终于，今天我踏出了另一步，把我藏着很久的信给抵了出去。豁出去了~ 不可以再有什么改变，我已经把我的人生路途不断不断的改变着。忽然有一种感觉，是否因为我还不够成熟，并不能知道自己到底路要怎么走，说真的，有时还会自怨自唉起来。为什么就是不能定下来？这可能是种让人没有安全感的原因吧！总觉得自己，不应该，那么任性。

是不是，如果没有你的存在，我就无需顾虑那么多？现在的你，也不快乐，我不知道我做的决定，可以为你打了多少强心剂，吃了多少定心丸，可是我知道，我酱做，你会放心很多，至少你可以在我身旁。

我们不再像从前一样了，是不是时候已到呢？我该不该让你飞翔呢？我该不该表在做那么多事情呢？爱你，是否应该让你快乐呢？我不懂，也不想懂。只知道，你想我做什么，我就做什么~ 我们会快乐吗？我们有结局吗？我辞职了，对吗？

我也想要一颗定心丸，可以吗？

Vrace

Just told Galen, I am no longer Suan Sziau Ying~~~~ I am Vrace... A devil Vrace... Been brain washed by time, by age. I am no longer the small little girl that always thinking in my own way, always thinking damn childish. I am no longer so stubborn and no longer living in my own world. I am no longer the small little gal..

I been told that I am not look like a gud gal.... coz of my attitude and my face. I always told them I am just a gud gal. And now I noe.. I am not a gud gal. I was a gud gal, but maybe I am not now. I donno why, this is my feeling, my feeling at this stupid moment. I should enjoy my life now. I am~~~~~ enjoying ~ Some feeling of single but not available. Some feeling of not single but available...

How about u? Are u still in ur purely innocent time? Or u are also same like me? Living in ur 'started been matured' world? Wondering.... is it coz of the job that I handling, met too many different type of ppl, talking too many different lies, telling all the things that is not the truth.. I donno this is gud or bad. I hope it is gud.. and I noe, It is gud for me but not gud for the ppl that is surrounding me. Am I rite?

Time flying.. And I am also no longer I........ I don wish to be the innocent I..... I don wish to be the stupid I..... I am Vrace.... I am Vrace... :)

11/9/2010

Wow wow wow... I miss Mandarin word... Using my cousin's laptop online in Genting Highland.. Read a lot of Mandarin words that I cannot read for almost 1 month.. I miss it.. I miss it!!! Using a small... light... little Sony Vaio laptop to online now, so convenient and easy... How much is this.. hmm~~

3days 2nites with 10ppls in a room. I donno what can I do.. eating, sleeping and gambling.. People mountain people sea here.. My mummy and auntie chit chatting.. my nephew sick and the rest just going to casino including me.. I think this is just a holiday for us.. means.. just doing nth, sit back and relax.. Suddenly feel that, the life is just nice. But, haiz.. have to return to work just after my small holiday... just.. just.. just lazy.

Not so cold not so hot at Genting Highland... a small little rain yesterday nite. I donno is there any hot sun outside. I just love the weather now. Just nice. I miss u. Just miss u.. This morning received ur sms that told me U r very happy when received my sms, I just feel sad and guilty. We such like... lost the feeling of dating. Just like no longer sweet talk, no longer manja, no longer the feeling of love. The things of replacement is just USED. We used to each others. We never enjoy the time anymore. I just felt it. This is only my feeling after I received ur sms.

I am trying to find back the feeling. I am sorry coz my always scolding. I am sorry coz my never appreciate. Promise me, don let me alone to do the improvement k???? We have to find back the feeling... To make sure we can continue our sweet r/s forever.. ;)

3rd September 2010

Long time din blog dy since my laptop cannot view in mandarin. I miss all the mandarin word in my world.... Today....... how was my day????

I late to the talk again.. this is the 2nd day, 2nd time to be late.... at this 2 days... Is it coz of I lost the form to work dy???? Or... coz of...... I really no mood to work anymore???? Honestly... I love the company. I love all of the ppl in the office... coz everyone just treat me nice. My work although not really nice. But I like it.. Even I noisy, even I luan enuf, they still treat me good.

Money not enuf la.. I waiting to become tuition teacher. Waiting for October. Waiting for the tuition center open. I don think I ll get much from there.. But I wish to make my life more colorful. Although I noe it ll be very tired.

I like this moment.. I like it so much. Because at this moment.. My life full of frens. no longer feel with love. I can just be alone. Coz I got lots of frens. Even not with my lover, I still can sms with others. My life just nice... I am lovin it...

Help help help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really donno what shud I do.. Shud I make myself cruel let u cry sekali gus and u ll recover very soon? But how can I do it??? Let go also very hard for me.. I had try my best to tell myself that I shud stay with u.. But I really don wish that song song talk nicely to u.. song song wanna broke up with u.... I don wish u to be suffer.... Because I really love u.. but what can I do???

I don wish to suffering u.. I don wish to hurt u.. I don wish to make u sad.. Thats y i choose to leave.. I donwan u to choose.. I donwan u to make decision.. I hope u understand me.. I hope u respect me.. Leave u.. will also coz me a lot of problem.. Leave u.. will make me suffer a lot.. Leave u.. I will also lost my direction when i am driving.. But what to do.. I have to leave..

Just leave me alone.. I just wish to be alone.. long long time ago.. I dy noe.. I can be alone.. I can live very well although I am alone...

Leave me alone..

29/7/2010

有好多东西一直堆着都没做，一直说星期日再做，可是，每一个星期日都是得过且过，真不懂应该怎么办好，这份工到底好不好？怎么感觉做了工后，变懒很多，有时间不是上网就是睡觉~ 真的很想拿几天假好好沉淀自己。

可是我做工都还没3个月哩，怎么那么快就累成这个样子，真是不可思议！！！！

忽然，我好想有人陪，粗茶淡饭，可是我累的时候，抱抱我，可能，我不会感觉那么累！！！

可怜太执著的女人~

不知道为何，忽然间我有种：聪明就好，别假聪明的感觉

看了《飞女正传》，忽然觉得里头的“杨sir”好可怜，可怜是因为有了一个酱的女朋友，以为自己很聪明，做了很多东西为了要绑住她男人的心；也觉得他很自找，明知道他女朋友的为人，却还要结婚。现在这个年头，结婚和离婚，还真的是一念之差，开不开心就结婚，开不开心又离婚~

其实，身边就有一个一模一样的“杨Sir”和“Selina”，说不上是朋友，可是他们的一切，我都有听说，故事实在荒谬，“杨sir” 说：“Selina” 的母亲刚去世，为了要给一个名分她，49天里注册结了婚，由于还没摆喜酒，两人就也还没住在一起。“Selina” 天天怀疑自己的老公有外遇，每天检查他的手机，兜去他的家看他回家了没，还有事没事的大吵大闹，搞到“杨Sir”现在说要离婚了~

听起来好像是“Selina”不对嘛~ 确定吗？

他们两人在一起也不是一朝一夕的事，难道“杨sir”结婚后才知道她的模样？当两个人要结婚，不是已经考虑清楚，觉得没有问题才结婚的吗？为了一个名分而结婚，现在才来闹离婚，试问，你要给的名分，叫：弃妇？？？？

个人立场，无须介怀~~~~

23/7/2010

为什么计划永远跟不上变化，却一天到晚都要我们计划计划，明知道计划了也不代表就跟得上一切！！很闷的咧，我的烂鬼原则，要么我就表做，要么，做了就要跟从，却每次都逆着计划走动，让我每次都觉得好累好累~~~~~ 开心不开心就换一换，烂工烂工！！！

什么嘛，如果真的跟不来，好不好就表再叫我们每个星期都交上计划表，这很累的咧！！！！

22/7/2010

责任心，好像压得我透不过气来~ 我知道只要看开一点，事情也没有我想的那么灰，可是我真的过不了自己那关！！！！我不喜欢那种天天做事情没有回报的日子，我不喜欢明明做对了还要被指责的感觉！！！

谢天谢地，今天我把自己控制住了！！！！！